cariadwen

While the picture postcard loveliness of the snow was heartening, I didn't think it was a good idea for me to venture outside as the snow had frozen and was extremely slippery. At my weight if I fall I fall hard. The snow is still frozen though and I have run out of cat food, bread and I need to get the ordinary shopping in and Christmas veg. The sun is out so I'm hoping the snow will melt enough for me to do my shopping this afternoon.

I had a nice comfy lazy day yesterday mainly due to the fact that I had so little sleep the night before, and I drank soup for most of the day. I still have a good supply of soup, so that's not bad.

About 5pm last evening I had a request from C appologising for the short notice but would I come around in quarter of an hour to celebrate the Winter Solstice as she had worked out the height of the Solstice takes place exactly 4.45pm. Now who celebrates the exact time? A tad anal me thinks. Of course it was already dark and with the snow frozen and ice on top of that I declinded, although I did so with regret. I explained the problem to her, I wasn't able to, my walking isn't good, if my ankle or knees give out it would be a serious fall. As it is dark the problem is increased. I did this without lying it on thick but most people are very considerate so Ididn't think I needed to belabour the point. She got very argumentative about this and during a heated argument she offered to pick me up in her car. Ah that might solve the problem nicely but how do I get back? Would there be an offer of her returning me by car? Err no the offer was one way only. She wanted to have a drink and wasn't going to drive afterwards. Wait a min, I said, I thought you only wanted me over for an hour? She actually said only half an hour but I'm not that stupid. Anyway she wanted me to explain why i couldn't get to her another twice more. I ended getting very irrate with her, accusing her of not taking my disabilities seriously. As a sop to me she said she'd ask Jani and then if Jani came she could pick me up on the way. Fair enough I said, if Jani does decide to come so will I, but you have to invite her yourself as I was fed up of being a go between and it would sound better from her than a second hand invite.

Now I was being a bit sneeky here. I know that Jani has been avoiding her for the last 3 or 4 years due to the last time she was with C, she had to sort out a fight between C & T that got very nasty due to the both of them being very drunk. (both Scots alcoholics) She hasn't been in contact since, screening out any calls from C. I knew that it was very unlikely that Jani would come and therefore I needn't bother worrying about whether she was going to get drunk again. I phoned Jani a bit later to find out what happened. Simple she said, I told her I have a very ill dog to look after, my boat is iced in and so is my car. Ah that's why I didn't get another call off C all evening!

Jani sent her rough draft of her new book to me. It doesn't have a title yet. It's about vaccines and the research she has done on the dangers of them. It's written for the lay person with all the research papers and online sites at the bottom of the page so people can check the facts for themselves. She's had two reviews both from highly educated people who claimed that the science was too advanced for the ordinary public, and that's what it is aimed for. Only 200 pages, so I read the first 100 with gusto. It's dymanite! And yes while I don't have an education the science was way above my head, what the scientists were saying on record behind doors was easy enough to follow. And that is what Jani is trying to get out to the public. Of course I was able to follow that story. I phoned back to tell her this and she was cheered up because she had begun to take the previous critism to heart and thought she couldn't simplify a complex situation any further than she actually had.

It snowed last night and for the first attempt, it stuck. I have to admit I couldn't go to sleep for excitement. I went to bed at 1.30am and got up again at 6am. I'm going to be a very sleepy person this afternoon. However I'm not going to make any attempt to go out in it. While I love the winter wonderland it makes of everything, I hate it slipping under my feet and don't feel confident enough to risk it. In fact I really don't think anybody should risk travelling with ice and snow, but then if we were all like this the country would grind to a halt. This that so bad?

I had been invited to share the hospitality of Annie and Nick's Winter Solstice festivities on Saturday.

A small problem is that it was taking place on the other side of the border in Wales. Public transport is dire at the best of times and in the cold winter liable to get cancelled or late. So a system of car drivers and passengers was put together for the benefit of those without personal transport. After a lot of muddling we finally got it all together, all seven of us in two cars.

Annie and Nick had red candles for each of us to light and add to their Yule log, and hot toddies for ua all to drink when we entered the house, which is traditional in their customs.

The tiny cottage was ladened with vegetarian food in the dinning room and meat and different home made wines laid out in the kitchen. Each dish was labelled with might contain... and bad spelling, ect. Which was sweet but mostly unnessesary as we are much more robust in our appetites than some of our younger pagans.

There was 9 of us altogether, with four absences. We each brought a poem or song or story to share. Annie and Nick gave each of us a Christmas/Yule present all recycled or regifted. Gerry got a necklace made from wooden earthy coloured beeds, very much in her style. I got a necklace and bracelet in purple glass, I was wearing purple and pink so it was inspired. Ian got a set of Dennis the Menice books that were bought for Nick's 13 year old son last year but the child turned his nose up at them and never even took them out of the wrapping. Ian was truely delighted as it's his sort of thing down to the ground.

Miriam not being able to be there, sent in a poem she composed, which Annie read for us. Anni read a winter poem from an 11th century book of Welsh translations. Nick read a few poems on Christmas by a 20th century Welsh poet called WH Davies. Mike, a poem he composed himself on yew trees. I had no idea that in ancient English the word for Yew was IF. He made a good pun from it. I gave them a poem, the only one I know by heart and a Devalli story told to children. Ian played the guitar and he and Esmee sung. Then he sung his own composition about his love for Esmee. We all had musical instruments and played together.

We had a lot of home made wine, one of the most popular was Ali's rose petal and red current wine. Oh and the Wassail* bowl was passed around A LOT!

* Wassail is made from warm cider and spices. Wassail is the Anglo Saxon word for Be Healthy. For Americans :- Cider here is never non alcoholic, it is always highly alcoholic or regarded as duff! There was a similar bowl of spiced apple juice passed around for those who didn't want alcohol, but we all drank that in turn too.

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Now toe nails. I'm sorry but for some strange reason I can't make cuts in my blog any more. So skip this if you like me have a horror of toe nail related stories.

As I was getting ready for the party, Jani phoned to say that her big toe nail had split width way and was bleeding copiously and was very painful and was catching in everything. Could she come around and soak her feet. This might sound like a strange request but she has very few facilities and nothing with which to soak her feet. I suggested that if she got here before I went out she could have the run of my bathroom and the use of my bowls and first aid box. And she could spend the day at my flat while I'm out. As that was impossible for her she took her problem to her Quaker friend on a much more modern boat in the harbour. Her friend bandaged her foot but didn't offer her the facilities to wash them, then tried to urge Jani to seek medical attention. Of course in these times near Christmas and on the weekend that was hopeless.

I phoned her this morning and found Jani still hadn't found anybody who offered her washing facilities. That was easily remedied, I asked her around to my place, ran a bath for her and prepared a warm bowl of water with (not having the disinfectant I thought I had) salt, Bi-carb and vinegar, for her to soak her feet. I also got out my 1st Aid box that I've had for 4 years and have never needed until now. It looked a horrible sight but with a good soaking we were able to remove the hanging toa nail without too much pain. And it cleaned up very nicely. She was very relieved and said "Now look at what a nurse would say if I turned up at an Out Patients with such a slight problem".

I've had a good day today. Gerry came to help me get the place ready for my Christmas guests this morning. On the way here she saw a rolled up carpet put out for any passers by and thought I might like it. Now I have cream cotton rugs which I haven't put down yet and as one of the guests over Christmas is Storm the sheepdog, who is often none too clean, I was thinking it might not be a good idea. After all I don't want to be wincing every time the poor dog moves and of course she'll want to lie on the rug rather than the bare floor. We unrolled the carpet to find it was top quality axminster, about 1.5 ft wide and 9ft long, what they call a runner. It is deep red with a green edge, massive Christmasy colours, hardly worn either. As a temporary measure I've put it down in the most traffic heavy area in the living room. It's fab and also thick and comfy enough for a dog to lie on without having to worry about her.

I've moved the old wooden coffee table with all my plants on to a more prominent position in the bay window and decorated the umbrella tree, with white star fairy lights, and gold, red and silver baubles. The new rug leads straight up to the tree.

Gerry gave me two Xmasy gifts, one a tiny jar of home made tooth paste and whitener, the other a fat red star made from the red jacard silk I gave her in the summer, stuffed with cloves. The red star is now on top of the Christmas 'bush'. The dark blue flower pot had been covered with a deep cerise scarf tied into a bow. This is the very first time I've decorated for Christmas, as I usually have it somewhere else.

In the kitchen I have looked hard for my only table cloth in deep cream but can't find it but I do have a wall hanging/sarong in deep red Celtic knotwork that will do for a table cloth instead and is a much more suitable colour. With green paper napkins and a berry centre piece, I think it will look festive.

I have all the festive foods planned and most of them bought. I can cook when bothered but I like to keep stress to a minimum if I can, so I've choosen easy dishes to do. When my daughter used to get very stressed out about the whole thing, I'd try and calm her down by saying all it is a luxury Sunday dinner with present opening before hand and not to sweat it. To that end Jani and I are having venison cooked slowly in a casserole dish and red wine and onions. S will have his once a year salmon steamed over the new potatoes. There will be a dish of roast vegetables, potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, carrots, parsnips, oh and ball stuffing with a twig of sage leaves at top to look like mini chrimbo puddings. On top of the stove new potatoes in mint, cabbage and green soya beans and peas. Various sauces (in jars) the venison gravy/fish sauce for S.

Pudding is planned to be between a trifle and a Crachanach*. This will be prepared before hand and assembled after the main meal. I'm soaking some dried fruit in Jamican rum, this will mixed with double cream and be layered between autumnal fruits and crushed biscuits. I'm not sure whether it will be ginger snaps or digestive. I think ginger snaps. I might put a layer of cornish ice cream in the mix, I'm not sure at the moment.

S is bringing a home made cake, apricot and pecan, he is really good at cake making and nibbles and dark chocolates. Jani is bringing wine (hopefully white, sweet and fizzy but not champers I hate that stuff.) cheese and nibbles. I have a huge jar of nuts still in their shells - need to find the nutcracker. I've also bought good filter coffee for afterwards.

I'm actually feeling excited for Christmas for the first time ever since I was a child.

Yipee!

* Crachanach is a Scottish summer dish of layers of double cream, rasberries and toasted oats.

Although I often have the tv on it's usually sitting there talking to itself or I'm listening to it rather than watching. There isn't that much I like to watch until 9pm and then not that much. However there are always a few programmes I look forward to and ten to one that is when C will decide to phone me. Mostly I don't pick up hoping it's not a real emergency. Other times I pick up and tell her I'm about to watch something I've looked forward to seeing for weeks and she'll rabbit on right through the programme, and I find it impossible to cut through her ramblings and assert myself without being very rude. I try not to be rude to most people, although some might find me a tad more direct than they may be used to. Tonight was a delight, first there was Gavin and Stacy @ 9pm, followed by QI, followed by a Child's Christmas in Wales on BBC 4 (nothing to do with Dylan Thomas I swear). A fab evening in among the dire stuff we usually get.

Therefore it was no suprise she phoned for the 3rd time today at the begining of Gavin and Stancy. I quickly explained i was about to watch a prog I have been wanting to see for weeks and it will be followed by another two programmes and promised to phone her tomorrow afternoon, after first checking there was nothing important she needed me for. Again she didn't let me go but kept coming up with new subjects, half I think was made up on the spot. A smidging irritated I let it show and she went into a passive aggresive sulk which instead of checking me, made me get furious. I explained I was going to end the call now and she made it out like I was difficult and she was as usual very patient with me. I put the phone down.

Guess what? She phoned me at the begining of each of the other programmes after I asked her not to. On one of the times she asked me if I would come around her house tomorrow evening 'for a talk'. She usually does this if she thinks I need to be put in my place. I said No you know I don't like coming around your house during the evenings. Then we had to go into why i don't go around to her house in the evening. (it's really because I can't stand her when she is drunk but we have this polite fiction that I don't like being out at night) Of course she offered to pick me up in her car, but of course she'll be too drunk to bring me back, although she will try to if she has her way. She's been arrested twice for drunk driving. The first time she told the police that she had been kidnapped and had just escaped, but refused to give them a description, so naturally they don't believe her and it may be why they think she is a fantasist Arrgghhh!

Of course I will walk back if I do go, but as my arthitis is not good and there will be below freezing with ice or black ice tomorrow, I wouldn't look forward to that experience. She doesn't think that is a good enough excuse for me saying no. I'm not going.

I do know that she has had some disappointing news from her solicitor today. The nuisence case she is being charged with and she wants to talk to me about it. I tried to get her to unburden this afternoon but she refused on the account that the police was tapping her phone!

Y is a Unitarian and pagan Druid. The Unitarian's have a pagan section and are the shakers and movers in the Bristol Interfaith movement, or at least that is the impression I get.

Y has been conflicted between the two 'faiths' for a while and has finally decided as she can't see gods and goddesses as actual beings she really shouldn't call herself pagan any more. As Y usually represented the pagan movement at the Interfaith meetings she asked me to take her place for this evening. This was a great honour but nether-the-less I wasn't sure I was up to it.

I asked what I was suposed to do there, and she said give a brief explaination of what paganism means and do something Druididic (if that's a word) and sing a Christmas carol like The Holly and the Ivy, which is pre-Christain and has been rewritten for Christainity. The idea of me singing is horrific, so I squashed that idea.

As I have been having difficulty with my legs lately and also my IBS, Hernia and a few other things I wasn't even sure I would be well enough for the evening yet alone organise something. So I did what I do best and deligated.

I got in touch with M who is a teacher and Druid, and R who is a Druid and alt. health therapist. They are nice sensible people with a good sense of community thinking and as Bards can think on their feet in such situations.

Preparation for the evening was a tad difficult as I had no idea of what wouod be expected. The first plan went exactly like this. I say something M says something, R says something. We all say something together. A good plan eh?

Next plan was; we say something about Paganism and Druidry but keep it as brief as a sentence or two. Call the quarters using the usual Druid imagery of animals and do Iolo's Druids prayer which pretty much explains the form of Druidry we 3 are interested in.

East: With the blessing of the hawk of dawn soaring in the clear pure air, we call upon the powers of the East.

South: With the blessing of the stag in the heat of the chase and the inner fire of the sun, we call upon the powers of the South.

West: With the blessing of the salmon of wisdom who dwells within the sacred waters of the pool, we call upon the powers of the West.

North: With the blessing of the great bear of the starry heavens and the deep and fruitful earth, we call upon the powers of the North.

Druid: May the harmony of our lands be complete.
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Druids Prayer

Grant, O God/dess/Spirit, thy Protection,
And in Protection, Strength,
And in Strength,Understanding,
And in Understanding, Knowledge,
And in Knowledge, the Knowledge of Justice,
And in the Knowledge of Justice, the Love of it,
And in the Love of it, the Love of All Existences,
And in the Love of All Existences,
The Love of God/dess/Spirit and all Goodness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

R came and picked me up in her car, and brought along some herbs for my asthma and joint pain. I was really wobbly last night! lol

When we got there, M was already waiting and told us we had been given 4 mins. We discussed this and thought we might need another plan. M had an idea, we explain what the Winter Solstice means to us, the leaving behind of the winter darkness and us heading again towards the light. Good idea Batman I said. We could ask people to think what the year passing had given us and what we could give the year coming. And that we could do 3 breaths for the Sky, the Earth and Mankind that stands in the middle.

Luckily we went alphabetically under Pagan rather than Druid, so we could get a feel of how and what was expected. We were set to speak between the Moslems and the Sikhs. We noticed that the the Reformed Jews were sitting next to the Muslems quite happily, which was nice to see.

The Jews sang a song that was beautiful due to her lovely voice. The Moslems were represented by a nice young man who was training in the Sufi tradition and he also sang. The Unitarians sang a song that was part of their meetings which was taught to them by Sufis. The Sikhs brought their own band with them and played some music. It was very much like an Eisteddfod, we know our way around Eisteddfods! :)

A darker note: a few religions banged on about the persecution from other religions, that were in the hall. Now we could have done the same about our persecution by the Christians but as we were there to make peaceful connections, it would have been a very wrongful thing to do. So we didn't. And we wished the others hadn't either. However we seemed all to be united by our suport for Human Rights, which the treaty written in 1940's.

Then we all mixed and nibbled at the splendid vegetarian feast layed out for each other.

I really enjoyed the whole night but had to get home quickly afterward as my hernia was really playing up.

Your Animal is the Otter
You are a supportive, caring person. You value human life, and you think each person deserves compassion.
You are optimistic and inspiring. You see what people need to feel complete, and you help them get it.

You bond easily with others, and you are especially close to your family. You love to share, learn, and play together.
Security is important to you. You are calm, as long as you aren't threatened.

I had a phone call from baby Llewellyn this morning and his mam and dad in the background. He'll be two on the 18th of this month. His dad, my son Owen has invited me to the babies party and will meet me at Cardiff station in his works truck. He also told me that as Llewellyn has so many presents that I wasn't to bother buying him something as he is only two and wouldn't know either way. When I said I would like to buy something he suggested clothes. So I'm going baby clothes shopping soon!

My daughter Ceri is speaking to me at long last. I have to say we are both as stubborn as each other but no matter how 'arsy' we get, we still will always love each other.

Yesterday I travelled to Glastonbury to meet up with my friend B. She is taking a break from dog walking (she has two, one elderly lurcher and the other a young English collie) and is house sitting a green parrot of her son-in-laws in Yeovil. So Glastonbury is half way between us. Although she has the car she finds Bristol city difficult in navigating and stressful, even though it is her home town. She is and was the only female lover I've ever had and even though that was a very long time ago, we still love each other as old comfortable friends.

I wanted to get there a little earlier than 12.06 when my bus got in so I could buy her something nice for Christmas even though we never usually buy each other anything. So instead of going straight from the town hall bus stop to the King William where i was to meet her, I wandered up the high street looking in all the New Age shops and bookstores. Only to find her just behind me before I had a chance to shop.

We went straight to the King William pub to find it was now done up as a dinning place. the old beams and stuff was still there though and so was the roaring fire. The music being played was 1950's Rock a Billy. We ordered a large coffee each and a meal. Chatted for about an hour and a half. That's the nice thing about eating in pubs, the grub is good and often cheap and they don't mind how long you take up space.

Then we went shopping. Mainly window shopping because neither of us have a lot of money. B had been given money for a new top as a Chrissy present and she found a lovely dark green velvet 'ethnic' top at one of the shops. It loked lush with her newly dyed red hair. I bought two pagan type yule cards at £2.25 each, but they were for very special people. And three Chrissy tree decorations. One a lacey leaf in white and gold, another a crystal snow flake with fluffy white feathers and the last one a green sparkly bird of paradise with jewel tail feathers. The last one reminded me of the set of 6 multi-coloured birds of paradise decorations my mother had on her tree. Then when we were about to part I asked her to choose which decoration she would like. She picked the bird, apologising because she knew it reminded me of my mother's tree. I laughed and said don't be daft I don't have a tree, all I'm going to do is drape fairy lights around my potted draco tree like last year, The other two decorations will be given to my guests on Christmas as token. I love the old custom of bringing a tree decoration when you visit for a meal at Christmas time and don't mind doing it in reverse.

The journey from Bristol was near enough 4 hours there and back and I only had the energy to stay 3 hours but I still found it exhausting. So did B, she isn't faring well, she has athritis in her legs like I do, but more of a problem in her hands so walking with a stick isn't something that she can do. She also was worried by the fact that her oldest school friend has been diagnosed with Fibro and that her Australian brother had died only a month ago. B was one of 8 children, she was put up for adoption, then her parents left for Oz with the other 7. She was reunited with them only about 20 years ago, so while she's not close to them they are still family.

When I was on the bus J phoned to ask if I was in and ready for visitors. Trust the man, he hardly ever visits and he chooses the one day I'm out. I know what it's about, he wants to drop off my Christmas present, he has always remembered my birthday's and Christmas's, usually buying me a Pratchett, both our favourite authors. The expensive Yule card is for him.

I just had a phone call from the other J, we have arranged to spend the afternoon with each other. She awoke this morning to find her boat was listing to one side. It's already leaking although slowly, so finding herself listing panicked her. I've been trying to get her to find a shore home for ages now. Anyway she spent the morning carrying sacks of coal from one side of the boat to the other to try and balance it out. And thinks it's worked. As she really does need a bath now, she's on her way and I have to tidy up! So I will end this now.

Yesterday about noon my lecky went off, not my lights though just my pc, tv, heating, hot water, and fridge-freezer. I went ot the box under the stairs and tried flicking the off switch on again and it wouldn't, not at all. The other 3 flat dwellers were out being men and invited to spend Sunday at female relatives. I had no idea what to do next/ I read 2 small books by Joanne Harris, Jigs & Reels (short stories) and Five Quarters of an Orange, snuggled under my duvet trying to keep warm. One thing I was greatful for though is that my gas cooker is so old it doesn't have an electric switch, which meant I was able to cook something hot and have plenty of hot drinks using my camping kettle on the gas hob. I dread ever getting a new over because I know they won't sell me one without an electric component.

As my Housing Association doesn't man the office on the weekend I waited until 9.am this morning to phone them. luckily I have a spare phone that doesn't have to run on electricity and I plugged that in. They promised to phone an electrician straight away and would phone me back when they had done so. Half an hour later they phoned again to check I had done the switch everything off and try each one, one by one. I phoned them back when I had done that and they said, "don't worry, stay in and one will be around as soon as possible. I did so. Nothing happened. I waited and waited. Then at 2 pm I phoned again to ask if the electrician was anywhere nearer me yet. Oh he's in a meeting right now, he'll be there soon afterwards. Four pm he arrived and simply pushed the switch down again. I said I had tried that several times but it didn't work. He sdaid the trick is to switch another switch off before you try that. It certainly didn't say that on the box instructions!

He insisted that there was some electrical equipment that was at fault in my flat that had caused it. Did I switch something new on when the thing fused. No I said nothing new had been switched on. Well it must have been he said. He stayed to watch everything switched on and nothing went bang as it would have if there was anything faulty in my flat other than the wiring itself. Now this is important, if I call out an electrician when its my fault I get charged for it, if it's the land lords fault they get charged. I hadn't proved to his satisfaction that it wasn't my fault. He hadn't proved to my satisfaction that it was. I wonder who's going to win that argument?

Anyway when he had gone I turned on the lighting because it was now dark, my living room light is flickering like mad, so I have my side lights on incase the over head light goes bang.

And I went to my pc to read my emails. Now I was not in the best of moods I hope you understand. I had many emails off Enchanted Forest, as anytime someone sneezes I get an email despite the fact I have gone no mail on their site. It's boring anyway. Wat too much fairy glitter. And two from C.

One was a seeing this angel if you see her hand moving she will grant you a wish and another on horoscopes. Now it's bad enough I watch daytime Tv and have only me pc for any entertainment, if I start using what little brain cells I have left on such nonsense I will be an imbecil! So naturally I deleted the first and went to read the second.

And this is what I got.

NB my highlighting - and spacing - I just
thought you'ld find this interesting ... C.


Date: Sun, 1 Feb 2009 22:54:23 +0000
Subject: Jonathan Cainer's Daily Zodiac Forecast for 02 February 2009


02 February 2009
from Jonathan Cainer

Scorpio

The trouble with trying to see the future is that the future does not like to be seen. Indeed, it can sometimes be so determined to protect its secrets that, as soon as it realises its plans have been uncovered, it alters them just to be awkward. 'Ha!' it says, 'That's what you think. Well, I'll show you. I'll do something different.' This makes my job very difficult.


Which is why I often write in ambiguous terms - so as not to let it know I'm on to it.


Right now it's your future we are interested in. Don't try to outwit it, and it won't try to thwart you.

Comet Surprise
'Nothing is certain but death and taxes.' So said American founding father, Benjamin Franklin. His politician's soundbite still echoes through the centuries, but it omits another certainty. The movements of the planets. Astronomers can say, with confidence precisely where Venus or Mars will be this time next week or even on a given date in 3009. That's why, for those who seek to foresee the future, the sky is so fascinating. Not everything up there, though, is predictable. Comets for example, can surprise everyone. With each day, it looks more likely that Comet Lulin will soon surprise us all.

At about this time she phoned and asked me if I had read her emails. I was extremely disagreeable about the first and then asked her what on earth was she thinking about the second?

She said she had saved this horoscope from the begining of the year to show me how accurate he was. Now I've had an argument with her from the first time I've met her about this man. I honestly think he's a fraud, there isn't even a smidging of astrology in his predictions, nor is there anything that isn't total waffle. I read it back to her in the hopes that hearing it from someone else would wake her up to the fact she had been spending her money on rubbish. Yes I was very strong about it. And Yes she had indeed spent money on this horrorscope.

Her reply I hadn't got enough intelligence to understand what it meant. That she has a brain the size of a planet (she says this all the time, it's from Marvin the Robot from Douglass Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)and what's more she believes it.

Really furious now, I said he is a fraud and fuckard! Her reply was that as she was a proffessors daughter she was more intelligent than I, and that I had invented the word fuckard, as her quite comprehensive vocab had never heard of it. My childish side came up and I said I didn't make it up. You did! I didn't! You did! I didn't..... It was sooo childish, that we both began to chuckle!

I'm still feeling a bit *arsy* (she also claims I made that one up too! Where in the hell has she been?) but an edgy humour is also starting to come to the fore.

Ok now I know most people reading my last post may be confused by my assertion that I don't believe in Gods and magic and stuff, especially as they know me to call on both.

Gods: To me it is not important whether Gods exist as spiritual concepts, imagination, human constructs, or as independent beings, chips off the human collective consciousness, or a mixture of any of those. Some days I lean towards one idea and a another day may change my mind. To me this isn't important as is the belief that what ever you do you NEVER worship the buggers. If you do so they become inflated with themselves (or their worshippers do) and then become mega maniacs. If you come across them treat them with respect, but tell them where to go if they try and interfer with your life.

You have to be firm with them or shake a big stick at them, perferably blackthorn.

Magic: Magic is to me the very stuff of the universe. It is simply the stuff in everything and the stuff between everything. It is LIFE, it is ENERGY, it is everything we don't yet have a name for. it is everything that holds our world together. And yes it can be manipulated, but remember it can act like elastic bands, pull it one way and it can spring right back and hit you in an unexpected way. That is not karma. It is NOT going Abracadbra and Hocus Pocus, or casting circles or any other mumbo jumbo. Unless you have an ucommon mind it won't work. However a slight nudge here and there sometimes does work. Why? We do not know but one day maybe we will. It is never fair to use Karma to stop people from taking needed action. It is never fair for Karma to hit you back 3 times more than you have misbehaved.

YOU are responsible for your actions, no one else is, not politicans, not fairies, not Gods.

And that for now is all I'm saying on the matter.

End of rant.

I just got back from my friend's piano recital in St Bart's Church near St Andrew's Park. They also had some of the Art Trail exhibited there so while Mike was tidying up after his performance I was chatting to the artists about their work. Then a trio of medieval instrumentalists started playing so we both decided to stay and listen to them. They brought about 50 different instruments all based about 15th to 16th century, and played most of them. We both had a chat with them as Mike's father was a violin maker and Mike has always been fascinated with music and I'm just nosey!

As we got back I noticed the neighbours across the road from me was also exhibiting her art work on the Art Trail in her front room, with her friends work in the back room. so of course we popped in there. Excellent work, realy good but massive prices! Even for the prints. This time we actually spoke to each other and she remembered me visiting 3 years ago, although neither of us had chance to speak. English people are so shy, it's not until you've been living for years next to each other, do they even smile at you. But the stalemate has been broken now.

My daughter is speaking to me at last, and what's more, kindly. This is after about 3 years of silence. She posted on her profile heading on Facebook that she was still grieving for her lost love(suicide 4 years ago). then on another day that she wasn't very well. I contacted her and asked her how she was, and this lead to a phone call and a very friendly conversation. Though I did notice she didn't ask how I was! Still it is progress. And who says that such things as social networks haven't got any uses.

Last night I was asked by a friend if I would represent paganism at a multi-faith Winter Circle at the Quaker's House. It includes Buddhist, Hindu's and a few other faiths.

Y who usually does it has decided that as she doesn't believe in Gods and Magic that she really shouldn't continue calling herself a pagan. Personally I think that it's nonsense, (not her, the idea you have to believe in that stuff) and more it is a case of American paganism which we have been invaded by from the interweb since the 00's. Most Brit pagans saw those things as spiritual concepts rather than hard reality. Now pagans who have been pagans for over 40 years are now being told they aren't any such thing unless they cleave to the Rule of Harm None and the 3 fold law. Total nonsense that I won't have rammed down my throat without a bloody fight.

Anyway I have been trying to find a few others to accompany me and lend a hand at the event. This is a tad difficult as I have a tendency to attract those to whom the larger community would regard as total nutters. I need sane and well balanced people with me to do justice to our spiritual attempts. I was warned that they may expect us to sing and was given a pagan song site to check out. I made the lame joke, that I was drummed out of Wales for not being able sing, and like usual it fell on deaf ears and Y took me seriously!

This winter looks as if it's going to be an interesting one.

This is a video from a highly medically qualified doctor now nun from Catalonia, on the Swine flu 'pandemic' Please take time to watch it. You may have seen it before for this I appologise. If you watch it and believe any part of it can I ask you to pass it on to your own email list. I shall also send it to my MP.



http://vimeo.com/7298827

Wednesday night I took Jake in my arms and carried him into the garden. He stood up and gradually stumbled around my tiny little yard, sniffing. Then he made me aware he wanted to go back in.

Thursday night I again carried him out and this time he was much more interested. He took longer to sniff around and went in more corners and under the bush. After a bout 7 mins, he walked to the front door himself and when I opened it her walked a little unsteadyily back to our flat.

Today he's not only taken interest in a brown paper bag but he's managed to fit his entire body into it.

I have to go, he's at the door waiting for me to take him out again.

He'll be with me awhile yet I think.

I'm so glad I didn't take the option of having him put down a few days ago.

I took jake to the vets this morning. C drove me there and came in with me to ask all the hard questions that I didn't want to ask but really wanted to know. I won't be taking him again, as he won't be with us for long.

How long, well how long is a piece of string?

Caroline rang the door bell last night and hastily put a packet of salmon in my hands, for both me and the cat, Jake to have at least a third.  I asked her in but she would rather I'd go around to her house instead, as I had a nice beef in red wine casserole in the oven I declined.  Just as well because it peed down afterwards and her daughter's father came later and they had a nice evening together.

This morning about 6am, Jake woke me by more or less sitting on my face and purring happily.  Instead of being cross (he was dropping hints about breakfast)  I hummed the frog song to him and he increased his purring.  It was quite a duet!  I gave him breakfast and he ate the lot.  This I was happy to see as his appetite has been very poor, and we went back to bed purring again.

The weather isn't very nice at the moment and we are expecting heavier rain and floods.  Luckily ever since the 70's I've always looked at the place I live to check whether it is too close the river or on flood plains.  I'm just off a large but graduall hill called Pigsty Hill on Gloucestor Rd.  We should be fine.

On Friday I noticed that Jake looked swollen around his tummy.  In fact he looked pregnant.  Over the weekend he got bigger and bigger until last night he was so swollen I thought he might burst. 

C phoned to ask after our health and I told her about Jake, she claimed that a word just popped psychically into her head 'ascites.'  Now I know she reads books on biology so I went and looked the word up and yes it was about water retention in the stomack.  I checked the sites on cats and found it could be quite serious.  She appologised that she couldnt give me a lift there.  I do not rely on her giving me lifts but it is always welcome though.  I reasurred her that I had a £20 note in the PDSA client pack just for such emergencies.  It took £24 there and back, but it was quick and prompt.


Now the vet had given me diarectics for him one quarter of a tablet 3 times a day.  These tablets are tiny, but knowing it was an emerency I gave him one whole one extra on Monday night.  This morning he was a little better but still had an emormous tummy.  I waited until the vets (PDSA) opened their phone lines and phoned straight away for advice.  I was advised to bring him in asap today.  The vet gave him a diarectic injection to help release all the water and told me that it was likely that he had the right half of his heart no longer working. His pulse was elevated too.  But that would be made worse by him being at the vet as last time they made a mess of his injections and would probably remember it.

Now I knew when they gave me the sheet of care instructions about 6 weeks ago I knew that he wasn't going to be with me for much longer, but the staff didn't confirm this, I suppose thinking it would upset me.  This time I asked outright, if this was the beginning of the end and all we could do for him was pallitive care.  I got a confirmation.  It's sad but better to know and make his last days as long and as comfortable as possible.  I shall take him back next week for them to see if the swelling is any better, then I'm going to ask them if it's possible for me to just pick up his meds instead of bring him back and forth the vets and thus causing him distress.

I had an email from Miriam yesterday.  She has ME /CFS and has taught herself about nutrition, diet and medical research of how diet affects and even is the underlying cause of most illnesses.   I think she is winning, she certainly has a more active life than I do. 

 She has offered to help me moniter my diet, begining with me writing down everything I do for a week and then she will try and give me some helpful suggestions. She also sent me a link to this site http://www.drmyhill.co.uk/index.cfm  In this Dr Myhill suggests going back to a natural diet they ate in the Stone Age as she claims that our bodies have not adapted to the weird things we eat nowadays.  As I have a Stone Age shaped body, it kinda made sense to me.  Some of the hints in it I have already found helpful in mini experiments.  One thing I like about it is that I can give up the margarine/or spread as they like to call it and go back to butter.  I'm only on my second tub of spread after being talked out of butter by my doctor's diet nurse.  Before anybody starts with, they know much better than I, I will say that she believes chicken to be a healthy food, completely missing the point that chicken is the most unhealthy food we can eat because of the chemicals.  And excellerated hormones to make a 9 week old chicken full grown and edible is totally the reason why we have a obesity time bomb and why men's fertility is now low.  (and why so many have moobs)

Last night was the first cold evening of the winter for me.  I know we didn't have it as bad as the north, being southern softies, but it was 2C and it felt like it.  I had the heating on to medium low and still found my feet and hands to be blue with the cold.  I didn't want to turn the heating up higher as it would be a bad example to set myself for the rest of the winter.  I did however go to bed at 11pm instead of 12 or 1am and wore my fluffy bedsocks to try and warm up.  It took an hour.  Even leaving the heating on all night it was still cold.  Checking the radiators this morning I found that the pipes need bleeding.  That explains why I was cold and why Jake got under the duvet with me instead of sleeping on top of it.

I am managing to give Jake his medication easily because I have found out how to disguise it.  He himself showed me how to do it.  Each time I eat toast he has been sitting watching me licking his lips.  A  plain body language signal that is pan-animal.  I knew it couldn't have been the toast itself he wanted so I tried him with some of the margerine on my finger.  When that was successful I pounded his tablets up in my mini pestle & mortar and mixed in marg.  He loved it.  He'll love it even better when I go back to butter.

Going to bed early meant I awoke at 8am, which I must say was a miracle.  I really don't see why if you don't have to go to work, why on earth would you get up when you don't need to.  So I had my breakfast watching the BBC news programme and watched Real Rescues afterwards.  I used to try and get up in time to watch Helicopter Heroes on at the same time.  It reminds me that while there are so many terrible news stories of man's inhumanity to each other, more often people go out of their way to help save others and this is taken so much for granted it never makes the news.  There are brilliantly kind people out there folks! 

I had a friend who was always grumpy even after she had been out in the fresh morning air walking her dogs and meeting other dog people and we couldn't understand why this should be.  Then I stayed with her for a couple of days and was at first horrified then completely irritated to find she watched one of those vile "she slept with her own father-in-law or my baby father beats me" programmes.  I have since got her to listen to the radio while having breakfast and believe me she isn't grumpy at all now.

Happy New (Celtic) Year to all!

This morning was heavy rain with strong winds but now looking out of the window there is blue sky as far as the eye can see.  Mind you the bushes in the garden are waving around like drunks and there is rain on the south side of my window while the north side of the very same window is dry.  Well rain has to end somewhere!  I will enjoy going out in the gusty wind so I'm going to take my recycling up to the depo, a nice little walk.

So how did things go for you yesterday?  Mine went a little ascry.

I managed to find a nice bday card for C, with a fairy on it saying "Anything is possible but even so there will still be days when you tuck your knickers into the back of your dress".  I also enclosed a pale turquiose glass nail file with a diamante sea horse on it.  Her colours and she loves sea themes.  Not having much time before Jani came to pick me up I snook around and delivered the card by hand, posting it through the letter box rather than giving it to her personally.  I did this because she is very clingy and refuses to allow you to leave gracefully and I didn't want to have to get short with her on her birthday.

Jani the dog Storm and I set off for Longleat wide life park.  I have b een calling it Lord Bath's safari park which while IS correct isn't exactly what it's more known by, mainly because my lazy mind couldn't remember where it was. The one that Animal Park is filmed in.  We decided to take the boat trip around guerrilla island and then look around the stately house.

The guerrilla was at in his garden but was playing hide and seek with us, I caught a glimsp of his head behind a bush and of his feet when he was under his porch having a lying down.  I can't remember his name at the moment but he is the oldest guerrilla in captivity being 49.  His partner died 2 years back and he has been alone ever since as it's impossible for him to accept another being in his life now.  He has his own Satallite TV and loves watching animal programes and children's cartoon shows.  He hates noise and the boats that come to see him, hence the hiding.  He also hates the noisey seal lions and when they annoy him he throws things at them.  Do you know I've had neighbours just like him!

There was a merecat enclosure just next to the queue for the boat with a hill with a transparent side so we could look at them at home in infra-red while we waited for the boat. 

The sea lions seem to be like the naughty school kids.  One of the most charming sights was a 5 month seal pup sitting on a huge hippopotimus's back and the hippo staying absoloutely still and pretending it was a rock.  The bull seal was massive and took food from beside the boat and did back flips delibrately splashing the people closest to the edge.  The trip was over in 20 mins but well worth going.  And it was all part of the ticket price we had.

Next the house:  Jani had twisted her ankle that morning and now it was begining to throb and I was feeling a bit exhausted.  So we decided not to wander through the many mazes and go straight to see the house.  We took a wrong turning and got in through the wheelchair access at the back.  This led us to the cellar cafe and we had a good hearty meal at a reasonable price.  I forgot I'm newly diabetic and had a muffin and put sugar in my coffee.  That was a huge mistake!

Looking around the stately home was a bit better than most of them because we had paintings of lord Bath resplendant in his multi-coloured clothes and his family, more modern art and his own quite unusual work.  I was begining to get very hot and I could feel my face draining and I needed to sit down suddenly so I called to jani who was in a different room that i was going to go outside for some fresh air.  one of the staff heard me and rushed up to me to ask if i would like a chair to sit down on and a glass of water.  About 3 people were suddenly around me and fussing.  I felt a fool and was resisting hard the urge to fall asleep.  One of the staff escourted me down the back way and stayed with me until Jani (who had permission to bring her car close to the house) drove me off.

What with her ankle and my 'funny' turn we decided that we wouldn't go to Avebury to meet up with other pagans for a ritual as we first planned.  At first and I know this sounds stupid I couldn't work out what happened, why was I feeling ill.  It didn't feel like my aenemia, or my thyriod, or my asthma, although the staff assumed it was that because it's not unknown with so many old things and the heating being on for the first time.  I must be slow or something but only after a lot of pondering did I realise I had a sugar hypo from the diabetes.  I've never had one before so didn't know what it felt like.  Now I know I won't panic so much.

By the time we got home I was feeling sort of Okish and I gave Jani a coffee while we watched Merlin and then she needed to get off and I needed the rest.  We gave a toast to our beloved dead then I saw Jani and the dog off at the gate.  and when i had waved them off I returned to find that I was locked out of my flat.  Luckily I was able to access the communial hall but there was no way i could get in my flat.  My phone, purse and cardigan was inside and all the other people in the other parts of the divided house were out.  What to do?  If I left the house and went looking for Mr Jenkins who has a spare key to my flat door  (he'd be in a pub nearby somewhere) I would have to lock the front door as well, leaving me without shelter.  Now he leaves his flat unlocked and has said many times that if ever I'm stuck i can just go into his place and get the key from his coat rack.  I went and looked but was unable to find it.  I had to use his toilet too.  I then decided that I would have to wait for him to come home from the pub and as that might be until chucking out time at 11pm it would be a long wait.  So I went into the cupboard under the stairs and got out one of my deck chairs and put it out in the front garden under the door porch.  Luckily it was a warm night, being as I was only in a short sleeved Tshirt

After only an hour or so Mr Jenkins son came home and was able to find the right key for my door.  No sooner had I been inside for 5mins and by now feeling quite cold, C phoned to ask if i would come to her bday meal with her family.  promising lots of lovely cake and fizzy 'pop'.  So I explained what happened at longleat and still she kept on trying to bribe me.  then when i was insistant that i wasn't well enough to come out she promised that Tom would come and fetch me.  I politely declind without getting as arsy as I was actually feeling about her inability to acept No for an answer.  I also had to explain that the nail file I bought her wan't a letter opener, which made us both laugh.

The rest of the night I spent cwtched up in my duvet watching tv.  Some bloody pagan I am.

Jani took me out to a Tai restraunt last night.  It was our usual, being in a small cafe' with second hand dinning tables and chairs, and no drinks licience.   We took a bottle of Rose'.  Though it is well staffed, the food delicious, moderately priced and friendly.  We got there early and was glad that we did as just at the end of our meal all the tables and chairs were being moved into one long line for a party.  They don't take cards or cheques so when Jani dinned there a month ago she didn't have enough money on her.  They allowed her to pay them £4 short.  So when she paid the bill she reminded them of the £4 and made up the bill to cover it, and they were quite suprised that she remembered, they hadn't.

We got home for a coffee at my place.  I had just bought some ground Guatemalan Huehuetenango strength 3 from Sommerfield.  I don't have any special coffee making items, so i just put it into a small saucepan, let it simmer for a while, while we chatted.  Got a paper serviette/napkin over the top of a milk jug and poured it in.   It made two nice cups, delish!

Well I was going to go to Stanton Drew stone circle for the Samhain (Halloween) celebration.  Getting there is difficult as it's almost inaccessable by public transport.  You need a lift to get there, get one back is simple enough, you just have to stand up in the Druid Arms afterwards and ask for one.  R had offered to give me a lift, but I was suprised last night to see her post on our local pagan group asking for a lift for herself.  Even more suprised that she hadn't contacted me to let me know that she was unable to give me a lift.  I've been fighting the irkiness about good manners and stuff all morning.

Now Jani and I bought 'passport' tickets to Lord Bath's wild life safari some months ago.  This ticket allows us to come and go as many times as we like up until the 1st of Nov.  It includes a free shelter for dogs while we visit.   We saw the safari park, the small animal zoo, the butterfly house and some of the grounds.  We have still to do the boat ride, the grand house, any of the 3 or more mazes.  And of course as soon as we did the first visit we lost the damned tickets!  Guess what?  They turned up today.  There is only tomorrow or Sunday to use them before they become invalidated.  Saturday is the most important day in a pagan calender and Sunday we are expecting heavy storms, so Sunday is out!

Jani and I have decided to go to the Safari park instead of the Druid ritual.  Having anothe plan I then phone R to let her know that I could not take up her offer for a lift, only to find that there was nothing wrong with her car, just that she was short of money and didn't have enough petrol to get to the stone circle.  Why she didn't ask me to pay for the petrol i don't know?  She has taken me there for years.  I'm happy enough to put my hand in my pocket, it is after all only right.  So I offered to give her some money for the previous petrol use, as it means she can't get there herself.  She refused.  Then asked me about removing energy blockages as everything seems to be going wrong with her lately.  She wanted me to go and sort out her house and her business.  I gave her advice reassurance and a shoulder to cry on.  And fimly insisted that first she should try and do an energy cleansing herself first, then if it fails, tell me and I will help.    She is more than capable in sorting it out, and doesn't really need my advice just a motherly shoulder.  All irkiness of the morning gone in a wave of sympathy now.

As the safari park passes Avebury stone circle, where we know many friends who will also be celebrating Samhain.  If we are up to it and depending on the time we come away from the park, we may join either a coven or a druid grove.  Or simply sit in the Red Lion in the middle of one of the circles and chill out with the pagans there.  Or we may just do something simple with just the two of us.  Who knows, it's just nice to go unplanned and spontainious.

C's birthday is tomorrow too.  Normally she tries and organises a party and gets quite funny with me if I don't attend.  As its the busiest night of the year for pagans, this means I have to try and be in at least two places at once.  To be honest I don't like the way she behaves when she's drunk and neither does most people who know her.  Which is why she is having more and more trouble getting people to her parties now.  Anyway she's been ill and isn't up to having even a small family do.  (I did check first, honest!)  I'll buy her a nice card and some flowers or flowering plant and deliver it in the morning.  She has had some good news about the court case though.  After her doctor had contacted the lawyers she doesn't have to attend court next week.  she is waiting to find out if they will defer it until spring or what is going to happen.  She certainly isn't strong enough to deal with it right now anyway.

Anyway I'm looking forward to a fab day tomorrow whatever happens.

Oh deary me!  I really shouldn't be allowed out!  The thing is I wasn't out at all and I proper embarrassed myself.

Mr Jenkins or Vince upstairs who looks after my cat Jake when I'm away and gives me free eggs, son just called on him.  Now his son Kevin is in his 40's and has been a grandfather for sometime.  He is an ex criminal (violence against other grown men, he has his own ethics) , and has a huge series of facial tattoos.  And I think I just made a pass at him.

I swear I didn't intend to.  I was just trying to say something nice, as he's always helping his dad and will do decorating jobs for me at cut price and do them properly, and only because I'm a friend of his dad's.

I was putting out the rubbish at the back of the house when he was coming in through the communial entrance at the front.  To save myself a walk upstairs I asked him to wait a mo while I got the empty egg boxes so his dad can recycle them.  I asked him how he was, Kevin that is.  And stuck for anything more meaningful to say I said  "I like your ears!"  Now he has large sticky out ears that point a bit.  I like such ears, they look cute.  It was the only nice thing about him I could see.  Seeing him go red i tried to back track a bit.  So I explained that I used to fancy Spock off Startrek!  Oh my gods  I've just made the situation worse!  He was blushing furiously now!  He said he thought he looked more like Capt. Kirt I told him he looked more like John Luke Picard, whom I also fancied!

The thing is I DON'T fancy Kevin, so why was I running off at the mouth?  Nether-the-less there will be no way Kevin will ever believe differently now.  arrrgghh!

ps: I have been celebate now for near 3 years and any lover I've ever know would never believe I could do it.